Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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