I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
