She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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