he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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