watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
