from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My bed smells like the plague
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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