have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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