She is in my trunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize