that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
