Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
