even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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