I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
