His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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