i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
