Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
