before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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