I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
