I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
