It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
