sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize