I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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