If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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