erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
