I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize