Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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