You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
