having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
