There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
