Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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