Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
