i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
