carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
