Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
