It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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