Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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