I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
