He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
birth control should be required to get into college
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
