I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
