Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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