We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mom said you looked used
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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