Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
