I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
