I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
