I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
