he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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