we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
