the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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