Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
