dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
