new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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