Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
