Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
