I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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