Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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