why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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