I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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