Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
