Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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