so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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