what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
