Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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