i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
