thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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