Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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