smell my finger.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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