Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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