I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
