dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
