his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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