My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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