yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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