i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
