I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
