i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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