Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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