3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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