Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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