Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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