Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
