i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
