Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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