I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
