bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
