He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
