can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize