Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
