dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
