In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Vodka?
Forever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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