Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
