i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
