yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
