So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
